have a little faith

looking back

thepottershands — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:06:05 +0000

Back from two weeks in Cambodia! The trip was awesome posium! I gave and I received a hundred fold. This trip set me thinking of my relationships and the people and things that actually do matter to me.

First 10 days , 17 September – 26 September, Koh Rumdual Island, Phnom Penh

It was great being away from the busy city life, away from the many disapppointments I had in Singapore, away from the many emotions I felt and thoughts I had before leaving. The lack of electricity and technology on the island gave me peace and time to reflect and think about my life and the people in them. The time spent there allowed me to realize that he ain’t worth and it was time to really let go. No msg to ask after me or anything of that sort. I was and am still disappointed. Is this really how much I mean to you after how much I’ve given and done for you? Anw, thanks for the memories – the runs we had a night, the time when you helped me in my maths, the times we studied tgt, the times me played bb tgt at night, the times we spent sitting at the dam, enjoying each other’s company (maybe you didn’t), the time when we cycled under the rain till your tyre punctured, the time you taught me how to play bridge and we won. The memories will stay but I am not sure about our friendship. I will hold on to it but I will let go of the feelings I had.

Memories of the kids will also stay(: All I have given them was my time and willingness to play with them and carry them. They are so affectionate and loving. Never selfish with their smiles and love despite the little they have as compared us. I miss them kids very much and I made a promise to myself that I will go back to see them, especially sook li(: These kids taught me the importance of family, of how to love my family even more and make them my priority and not take them for granted. Father, bless them and keep them safe and may they continue to always be eager to learn and always be as loving as they are(: Amen.

Cooking dinner for the team is fun fun fun! though stressful. But it makes me happy seeing people enjoy the food I cook(:

Nights on the island couldn’t beat any other nights out. I love star gazing, listening to the crickets, watching the fireflies, singing crazily, bathing with Doreen and sharing stuff with her, talking to Christine at night. I miss the nights there:(

Last 6 days, 26 September-2 October, Siem Reap

Staying in a hotel in Siem Reap really couldn’t be compared to the stay on the island even though I could bathe with clean water instead of river water, sleep on a big comfy bed instead of on the floor with a mattress and bugs. Had my share of fun too! Night cycling at night in the flood with some people, bumping into a motorcycle cos I was distracted by the stars while cycling. Shopping at night, talking till late, buffet for dinner every night.

yknow what, the things I miss most about the trip wasn’t really the material stuff but the children on the island and the company and laughter I had. Memories will stay and I will hold it dear to my heart. Thank God for this trip of love and thank God for the people I’ve met and made friends with. These two weeks really couldn’t have been spent in any better way. I’ve learnt to love more, to be grateful and treasure the people in my life and most importantly, I ‘ve learnt that God has a plan for everything and He will make a way.

Thanks for the blessings you have blessed me with and the love you have given me and shown me. I love you Jesus, deep down in my heart.

help

thepottershands — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 15:49:51 +0000

Just so you know, it is hurting. Just so you know, I’ve got feelings. Just so you know, I care. Just so you know, I tried to let go but I can’t. Just so you know, I am learning to let go. Just so you know, I need divine strength to pull me out of this blackhole. Just so you know, I am afraid to take the plunge. Just so you know, I wished you knew.

I can’t focus. God, please help me.

grateful

thepottershands — Sat, 14 May 2011 03:53:08 +0000

Slowly, I am beginning to learn not to expect. The unexpected leaves a long lasting feeling. Soiree was unexpected and I am glad for the results!(: totally unexpected and glad it made Max cheer up!(: I don’t know why the friendship feels weird. Maybe it is just me being sensitive and reading too much into it. Let it go. Let it be. And don’t expect. Be grateful.

Seeing your name on my caller ID on the way home from Soiree was kind of a shock and yet it made my heart pound. We talked for a while. I wished I wasn’t on the noisy train. I wished our conversation wasn’t so short. I wished I had been in a clearer state of mind. Yet, somehow it made my night and my day felt complete. It felt that I mattered to you somehow. I really don’t know what’s going on in your mind. And I am unsure of it myself. Perhaps I am thinking too much into things again like always. These can wait. Father, grant me the serenity and peace of mind. Let it be. Bless our friendship Lord. Let Your will be done not mine. Amen.

I really am grateful to You for letting me get into this OT course. Although the topics seem tough and need lots of reading up, I thank You Father for this opportunity and interest in this course. I thank You Father for the many friends I have made and how each of them has touched my daily life and taught me in one way or another to be a better friend, a better person. They taught me how to love, give and care even more. Sacrificially. Father, I know the road ahead isn’t going to be an easy one, I pray that you my Lord will bless me with the strength and discipline to push on and keep going and in all that I do, I will give my best. Father, I thank You for this burning fire/desire in my heart to always want to be a salt and light onto the world and I pray that You will help me to continue to keep this desire/fire burning in me.

Somehow, when friends mention that they are going into uni, I do not feel as inferior or feel as if there is more to what I am in now as compared to before. Yet there are times when I still think about this. Father, You know my thoughts. I lift them up to You Lord.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” -Colossians 3:15

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Rom 15:13

Thank You for Your word. I love you. Amen.

existent fears

thepottershands — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:40:35 +0000

I can’t seem to push away the many thoughts in me. Insecurities. Sometimes I just need to learn to draw the line. I need to realise that I too get tired. I need to realise that I’ve got to be myself and not try to live in the shell of another. A few thought proking questions raised up and I tried refuting. But somehow you seem to always win. I feel inferior and inadequate in your presence but yet at the same time I am grateful that you raise these thought proking questions. These help me to think and perhaps understand myself more. Yet, our relationship leave me feeling as if I am hanging in the air. I guess I expected too much from it initially. There is not much I can do now but just stop expecting and pray that God will bless our friendship. Let it be.

Perhaps I approached it wrongly but all I did was be myself. Doubts. Fears. Father, if it is Your will, may the friendship blossom. Thank You.

every memory of looking at the backdoor

thepottershands — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 06:44:56 +0000

Looking through the photos and looking back at the life I led the past two years, I realised I played too much and I am starting to feel more scared. My brother also woke me up and made me realised that I was not as hardworking as I was. I lacked focus. My conscience seems to be bugging me. All I ask now is to just let me do relatively well. I don’t know if I gave my best to be able to say that, “I have done my best and I will let God do the rest.” All I can say is that, “I rather regret trying than not trying. At that point in time, when I was so tired and on the verge of losing hope, I tried and gave my best.” Father, you said, “Do not be afraid, I will be with you always.” I am holding onto that promise of Yours and having faith as small as a mustard seed. You helped me through the many trials and struggles I had the last two years and I know this would be no exception.

The joy and sense of fulfillment of working and interacting with youths is immense. Father, show me the path you want me to take, to be salt and light to the world.

The many thoughts that fly through my mind everyday makes me question who am I as a person really. For now, the answer I have is that, “It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.” -Mother Teresa. May all my deeds and words be done and said with genuine love. Amen.

yknow what, I am going to fb for half an hour every night from today onwards. I am becoming some fb addict, which is bad, real bad.

and I never felt that I love myself even more since the beginning of last year. Thank You God and thank you Coach Ernest. What you told the sec4 NA really striked a chord with me. I am still searching and I may never be able to find the answers but I know I am blessed, just the way I am.

to everyone reading this post, this song is not only for the special someone in my life but for the many people who have journeyed with me or only passed by in my life. thanks for being just the way you are. May God Bless You, forever and always, all the days of your life.

don’t worry yeah? I am sometimes just this emo, just that I don’t show it! zzz

questions unanswered

thepottershands — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:58:47 +0000

hey girl, it is alright to fail. This is your journey. No one ever said failing was wrong. Just got to get back up on your feet after falling down. The path for you ain’t smooth but remmeber you’ve got God. I will cling onto You.

‘Jesus knows that we would have questions. To prepare us for them, He urged us to abide in His love. Even when God’s ways are inexplicable, His love is reliable.’

His eye is on the sparrow and I know that He watches me.

thepottershands — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 07:43:38 +0000

perhaps this is what I need

not anymore

thepottershands — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 06:53:01 +0000

what more do you want from me? It is draining. Nothing works. You have taken every little energy I had. What more do you want? How about you take my life. Do all that you want to me. I can’t be bothered anymore. I can’t seem to trust in you anymore. nothing is going to work. It is useless. turn my life around and perhaps we could talk.

forget school forget exams. I wish I could.

Mummy, Daddy I wish I could just forget everything now. I have disappointed both of you a lot. Life really is so screwed up. I really wish sometimes exams were not everything. But let’s face up to reality. It is and perhaps that will never change. And perhaps the fact that I am just not cut out for what I am doing now will not change either. I have thought of ending it all. But perhaps what is holding me on now is the love and care your are giving me. but yet again. sometimes it makes me so afraid of disappointing both of you. The higher the hopes your have of me, the more I disappoint. I feel like giving up and forgetting everything. No one understands. I feel so useless so stupid and lousy. I really don’t know what to do. I keep failing. Perhaps that is the only thing I am good at. I’ve been trying but perhaps not enough. I am drained. I don’t want to go on anymore. But Mummy and Daddy, I promise to continue trying and searching for the tiniest hope that is left though I know it is quite impossible. but I will try. Sorry for the disappointment.

what you’ve planned

thepottershands — Fri, 28 May 2010 15:37:11 +0000

never thought I was this bad. I was so close to losing but I will pray. the bad nature in me overpowers me every now and then and I can’t control. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be genuine. I want to love and care with all my heart and soul and not hypocritically.

my legs are tired from all the walking but I had a great time

I will cherish and love and care for you more. but I just am not one who does it so explicitly. Try reading between the lines and actions?-.- I gues if I don’t do it now, I will regret. Father, help me to be the girl you want me to be. Amen.

seeing Chia Ern on mon(: can’t wait can’t wait!(:

everything is overwhelming and i don’t know where to start :/ Help me and save me Amen. I will do it for you and you alone. I will, I can and I must.

no one ever will compare(: LOVE YOU VERY MUCH(:

when I’ve got nothing to say

thepottershands — Wed, 26 May 2010 14:35:49 +0000

I hate the feeling. It’s so frustrating. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to control. I have placed my hopes too high. The stakes have been high or maybe it has always been this high and I know I always end up losing. It is time to change and know my limits. It is time not to hope too much but to trust and have faith.

crosscountrytmr :/

june holidays are coming and I do not know where to start

my dad has been telling me the past two days that maybe he should have given me away when I was younger since I am so naughty -.- how could he have beared to anw? I am too adorable hahaha!

swensen’s fudge ice cream I am going to have you one day

stupid random thoughts. go figure.