you are the defender of the weak

You heard my prayers(: thank you!

I am so disgusted by what you did to her. Even if she did not meet your expectations, that does not give you the right to do that to her. She has her dignity. She is a human. Yes, she may not be perfect but don’t the imperfections of people make people perfect? I always thought you respected people no matter who they are, whatever their backgrounds. Look, you’ve known her for years and she has always stood by you, tolerated your nonsense and this is what you do to her? When she told us what you did, I was shocked. I did not expect you, someone whom I respect so much to do that. Now, I look at you in a different light and I don’t like it. Father, replace all that I am disgusted about with love. Father, bless them that they would forgive each other. Father, I don’t want to lose any of them. I pray that they will be on talking terms again. Put forgiveness in their hearts. Amen.

As we talked, I realized how much you’ve restricted me and all the anger towards you came back again. You let him and her do it but not me. I was so angry that I could not be bothered to talk to you. I kept praying that I will stop feeling angry. I did not want those thoughts to spoil my day. Thank you Father, for sending someone who indirectly talked to my heart and she was someone whom I least expected. She made me face up to reality and realize that whatever he restricted me from joining was good. Father, thank you.

Father, as the new week starts and all the fears and worries come rushing back again, I pray for peace, courage and strength. Father, whatever I do this week, I pray for the strength to do it for your glory.

what’s wrong huh?

Maybe there’s just something wrong with me. Maybe I should just stop being so over sensitive with all my insecurities and my jealousies. God, please help me. Replace these with love.

stayed up late on wed and thurs night just for the pig. She had better love me more. HAHA.

Had not really done much the whole of this week. Distractions are coming back again, so is laziness and tiredness. Father, I pray for the strength to push on and not give up. Mother Mary, pray and intercede for me that I will focus and not get distracted. Amen.

“Your my everything my girl, my girl, my girl…” ARH!!!!!!!!maybe I should sing it on stage someday HAHA

oh yeah. I hope the pig had an awesome birthday!(: please cherish every birthday that you have from now on because in no time to come, maybe you will be sent to the slaughter house! HAHA. love you! and Thank you Father for a friend like her!(:

Who am I?

I am not as important as them. You never mention me as fondly as you mention them. Maybe I don’t even have a place in your heart like they do. Or maybe I do. Maybe just a small little corner, hidden right at the back. Only shining when they have left or when they are no where to be found, having gone to a much more glamourous stage. I am behind the scenes, playing the role as a substitute. You come find me out of convenience, knowing I will always help. Sometimes I am so tired of being your substitute but because I care for you just like how I care for a sister, I hold on. I pray to be a friend just like HE was to the sinners. But I am human and I have weaknesses. I get jealous. Sometimes when you mention them, inside I am screaming “Why don’t you mention me or even talk about me with that much interest or concern?” You show me face, you show me your tantrums and I just bear with it because I know everyone has their days. But I bet when you are with them you rarely do that. Who am I to you?

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.

Father, I pray to be a faithful friend. Help me.

take the lead

Sensitivity sets in and I can’t control it. Why think so much about it anyway, you petty person!

I pray to learn to listen more and to stop rambling. To love more even though some do not want it. To embrace the the horrible tutorials and lectures.

No matter how it is going to turn out, I pray for the faith to give praise, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. Jesus, take the wheel.

One small child in a land of a thousand
One small dream of a Savior tonight
One small hand reaching out to the starlight
One small city of life

One king bringing his gold and his riches
One king ruling an army of might
One king kneeling with incense and candlelight
One King bringing us life

One small child in a land of a thousand
One small dream in a people of might
One small hand reaching out to the starlight
One small Savior of life

My life is in you, Amen

be my escape

The what ifs are preventing me from trusting you. You can be my only escape if only I let you.

When reality throws me a situation that I least expect, how do I place my trust in you? When doubts set in, and all I think about is I.

When will I ever stop?

Let Your will be done not mine.

crumbling

Everything seems overwhelming. It’s falling apart.

Hope.

determination

argh!!!!!! The blubber around my waist is grotesquely(is this how you speel it?) gross. and my arms are no better:( Is it possible to lose 7kg in two months? I NEED DETERMINATION NOW!!not only for this but for my studies as well.

IF I SET MY MIND TO IT, I CAN DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. and that is losing 7kg in two months to get out of that FUN(not)club. I don’t want to be in it anymore. If I could lose 7kg in sec one, why not now? Come on mann. DETERMINATION! push on towards that one goal. and this means, no more fast food, chocolate, biscuits, honey stars, sweets, desserts, fried food, rice, bread and noodles:( thinking back, I don’t know how I managed to survive sec one like this. but I know I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me(: GO! GO! GO! and now I need to exercise at least three times a week. and that means running at least six rounds or sprint/jog for three rounds and do the hula hoop and carry weights. anyone wanna join?(: I CANNOT BE LAZY ANYMORE! for my studies as well.

I realise I am such a lazy person. and I am so fearful. Always thinking of the worst. Always pushing back my work, finding a reason to slack or to escape. I can’t do this anymore. I must put the talents that God gave me to good use. I must study for the glory of God. I must take things bit by bit, one at a time and live in the present and not worry about the future nor live in regret about the past. No more.

Father, I pray for the determination to work towards my goals. and even when it seems like I will never reach them, Father, I pray for the strength to carry on and not quit. For I know that with You, all things are possible and I will reach my goals. Help me Father to carry them through and not give up half way which I am so fond of doing. and when things don’t go my way, I promise never to quit because I have you on my side.

Even if all else fails, You never will. AMEN!(:

my new motto: Grit. Determination and lots of praying.

WOOTS!

when I am speechless

not bad. I think I am gettingback the momentum to study again. Finished 1 math paper. not bad. Father, I pray that this momentum will continue and never fade. I thank you for helping me focus. Amen!

I realised I am such a jealous person. Shucks mann. I hate it. Father please help me not to be jealous.

When will I ever stop sleeping and start focusing?Horrible. yknow, sometimes I feel life is so horrible but sometimes I feel it is bearable but yet now I don’t seem to like it. What’s wrong with me? Somebody help? ARGH!

When all I wanted was your attention and concern and nothing else.

some nonsense crap.

Father, six weeks left. I pray for a miracle. Please help me.

holding on

Life hasn’t been going the way I want it to. I am afraid. I am worried. I feel that I am at my wits end. It is as if no one is for me. I may say He is for me but He doesn’t seem to be. What’s wrong with everything or should I say me? When will I ever have the courage to pull myself up again? I feel that all hope is lost.

Father, I know you put me through these trials to make me a stronger person. I am not as strong a person as you think I am. I pray for the strength and the wisdom. I need You. I can’t do this. I think about it every night, unable to sleep. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t trust You. Why? Why? Why? I question and question and never will be able to get the answers. Father, tell me what do You want of me? What do you want me to do? I really really don’t know where to go now. Please be there for me like you always were. Please. Please let me pass. Please.

Worrying about it ain’t going to help matters. When will I stop thinking of playing and slacking and get down to work? When will that be? I don’t seem to have the mood to. I don’t have anymore drive in me. What’s wrong with me? The concern Daddy and Mummy are showing me is making me feel more guilty. What’s wrong with me? Why do I only have sudden bursts to study? What happened to my drive? Gone? When will it come back?

Lord  Jesus Christ, you know me inside out. Help me. Please.

Give me one reason to smile this Christmas.

what if my chances are already gone

I started believing that I could be wrong

but you gave me one good reason

to fight and never walk away

so here I am still holding on

am I a hyprocrite of my faith?

I have been afraid and worried for my studies. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I doubt I can hang on any longer.Time and again, I fail and I pick myself up. I am tired and sick of all these. Why isn’t it I can’t feel that You are by my side? I feel that You are missing from my life. It is easy to say I love You, easy to sing praises to You, easy to pray to You yet inside me, I doubt you a little. Am I losing faith? I can pray to You but yet I do not let You take control of my life. Why am I not living by the Word of God but by the Word of the World? I know I am not only struggling in my studies but in my faith as well.

Thanks for prompting me to go for Novena. I guess You talked to me through the homily. It made me reflect on how I have been living my life so far, not on Your Word but on the World’s. Novena made me feel less burdened. It made me question my trust in You these few months. I know the road ahead isn’t going to be easy but I know You would journey with me for You have said, “I have come so that you may have life to the full.” I pray for the grace to allow You to lead me and take control. I pray for the grace to stop doubting in You.

Oops!Btw, it is irritating to have this feeling of not knowing what are the thoughts of the other person. I shall leave it into His hands.

Into Your hands I commit again.